Transgender Support Resources For Families and Communities
Welcome to this space, friends. I’m so glad you’re here and choosing the path of self education in your pursuit of learning how to support transgender people. When my son came out as trans (FTM) I truly had no idea how to find resources like these. My sister and her friend Grey (who is also a trans man) swept in with articles and suggestions and emotional labor that I will truly always be so grateful for. They helped me navigate the new territory of being a mama of a brilliant trans kid. Most of the resources I’ve provided here came from them, so we can all basically celebrate how far reaching their work has traveled now. We’re all recipients of their love and care.
Based on how many DMs I receive from other parents of trans kids, I know that the first little stretch is a hard one for all of us. No one just automatically knows where to go to find these resources or to how begin processing their own transformation into being the parents of such sacred kids. Sometimes we even unknowingly misstep and then have to step back to listen and make amends. There’s a lot to learn and I have to believe you’re here because you want to learn it.
I’ll tell you this: I initially created the first copy of this list of resources for my own family. Only one family member even opened the google doc. That was painful, but it was also very telling. We are the gatekeepers of our children’s energy right now. While they are still young and in our homes, we are the ones who decide what passes through our doors. Immediate and strong boundaries are healthy and necessary. It doesn’t matter who the person is, if they can’t come with love and affirmation and a desire to learn, they can’t pass through the gates. This is how we ensure our kids, who already have an entire world to contend with, are safe here with us.
In terms of misgendering and deadnaming - because these are commonly the first obstacles to overcome - I’m going to share with you what I said to a family member who truly, desperately wanted to be 100% affirming, but kept accidentally both deadnaming and misgendering my son. They asked me how they could stop - even acknowledged that they only think of my son as a boy in their mind, but it kept coming out wrong in conversation. I told them that it would only change when they prioritized it. They were continuing to cause this harm because they hadn’t yet made it a priority NOT to. As in, they hadn’t really gone looking to understand the trans experience. If they had, they would know how much pain it caused my son every time they did it. That empathetic knowing would have been enough to create the change they were in pursuit of. In our conversation they responded with humility and they haven’t deadnamed or misgendered him since.
And hear me, you beautiful humans who are trying to shift an entire way of thinking in the name of love, I know this is hard for you. I know you might be tempted to center your experience here, to demand a longer period of time to adjust and grieve the child you thought you were raising. Please don’t. There is space for you to process and feel and grieve - but that space is not at the expense of the child. Your kid is doing the bravest and hardest thing they’ve ever done. It’s likely you will never really have context for what they are going through. So, feel and grieve and move through your own transformation with trusted friends and counselors, but please do not ever ask your child to have patience with you or to help you get through this. Immediately and thoroughly adopt their pronouns and chosen name, stand between your child and transphobia, advocate for them with their school and teachers. You are now the gatekeeper for your child in a brand new way.
What you’ll find here is an always evolving list of resources to help you start. This isn’t a final list or even a very deep one. This is the surface, the bare minimum. Start here, but keep going. Follow trans people on social media, join support groups, go searching for ways you can observe and learn from the trans experience.
START HERE:
This episode of the Man Enough Podcast with Alok is one of the most important conversations I have ever listened in on. I’ve listened to it a dozen times and have sent it to everyone I know. Do the same, friends.
“During the 2022 legislative session dozens of states will consider legislation related to LGBTQ discrimination. Some bills will seek to advance the comprehensive nondiscrimination laws that LGBTQ people so sorely need, while others will almost certainly attempt to single out and target LGBTQ people for unfair and unequal treatment. Freedom for All Americans is tracking each relevant bill in our 2022 Legislative Tracker, in partnership with the Equality Federation.”
An article I wrote for OC Mom Collective: “First of all, welcome to a very special club. I don’t know if enough people are telling you how important it is to be the parent of a trans/non binary kid so let me be the friend shooting off confetti and running across the room to squeeze you. We’re in this together and I’m going to give you something someone else gave me when my own kid came out: the sense of a friend reaching across the internet to hold your hand and walk alongside you. We’ve got this.”
BOOKS:
“Sharing their experiences of how they navigated their child's transition to raise a happy and healthy child, the parents in this book will give you the tools you need to support your trans child to thrive, while the experts provide a research-based perspective on supporting trans youth. With answers to everything you need to know - from social transition, mental health and medical care, through to schools, faith and your personal feelings as a parent - this is the ultimate resource for any family with a trans child.” (this button contains an affiliate link)
“The book walks the reader through transgender issues, starting with "What does transgender mean?" before moving on to more complex topics including growing up trans, dating and sex, medical and mental health, and debates around gender and feminism. Brynn also challenges deliberately deceptive information about transgender people being put out into the public sphere. Transphobic myths are debunked and biased research, bad statistics and bad science are carefully and clearly refuted.
This important and engaging book enables any reader to become informed the most critical public conversations around transgender people, and become a better ally as a result.” (this button contains an affiliate link)
BINDING:
gc2b is a wonderful company that sells a myriad of binders to help safely aid trans/non binary people. This is one of the most basic ways you can support your kid and it is life changing. Offer them this option rather than waiting for them to ask for it. And, if you would like to support a trans kid in your community, purchasing gift cards directly for them is a great idea.
B4CK is a non profit founded by the mom of a trans kid and has distributed over 1300 free binders to kids who otherwise would not be able to purchase one.
Trans tape is another option for kids who want to minimize or hide the appearance of a chest. Because tape doesn’t compress the ribs or lungs, it’s also a good option if your kid is needing to alternate between binding/not binding. The cons to taping are simply that it can be rough on the skin, so they’ll need to learn some dos/dont’s. This video is a good resources!
This is another video that shows how to apply trans tape.
Self education is the most important thing you can do to support the trans/non binary child in your life. This book from Alok is one of my most suggested reads. Listen in on their story from their own voice and gain a stronger empathy for the lived experience of trans people.
SELF EDUCATE:
One of the most basic and impactful ways we can self educate is to follow trans and non binary people on social media. Getting an understanding of their lived experiences, the differences in how trans/non binary people approach their gender affirming journeys, seeing firsthand the violence they experience from strangers and family members, embracing the humanity of their experiences - these are deeply important pathways for us to take for the rest of our lives. We aren’t here to ask them to educate us, but we are so grateful for what they offer from their pages. I often direct people first to Alok and to Jeffrey Marsh for this exact purpose. Absorb, learn, follow their lead.
Youth across the country (and throughout the world) have been paving the way in how people think about gender. Learn more and connect with other young people who are navigating the evolving gender landscape.
An incredibly important statement from medical professionals who are experts in childhood development.
Explore this thoughtfully curated list of FAQs from Trans Equality
“The Reformation Project is a Bible-based, Christian grassroots organization that works to promote inclusion of LGBTQ people by reforming church teaching on sexual orientation and gender identity. Our vision is of a global church that fully affirms LGBTQ people.”
The basics of how to be supportive and affirming to our sacred trans community.
A really good interactive resource to explore differences of gender expression, identity, sexual orientation, and biological sex characteristics.
This is an entire glossary of trans related language. Particularly check out the part at the end that goes over defamatory language and problematic language.
A phenomenal resource for parents, kids, advocates/allies, and health practitioners alike.
HELP TRANS KIDS GET THE
SUPPORT THEY NEED:
Spoken Futures, Inc. is a youth-centered arts and community engagement organization based in Tucson and serving the greater Southern Arizona region. Codirectors Sarah Gonzales and Logan Phillips work with an all-youth staff on three core programs, the Tucson Youth Poetry Slam, Liberation Lyrics and Kaleidoscope, as well as the La Pilita Cultural Center in Barrio Viejo.
The Trans Justice Funding Project is a community-led funding initiative founded in 2012 to support grassroots, trans justice groups run by and for trans people.
1.8 million LGTBQ youth attempt suicide every year. The Trevor Project works to be there for every single one of them.
Know the rights of transgender youth.
Gender Odyssey is an international conference in August and was started by the same folks who started Gender Diversity.
My sister’s friend, Grey, introduced us to Gender Diversity. It’s an incredible organization with multiple resources and was really beneficial for us especially in the beginning.
AZTYPO is an organization my son’s therapist connected us with and they provide support groups for trans kids and for parents.
WPATH is a leading authority on trans healthcare standards. Their Standards of Care are useful and generally it may be a good idea to bring a copy in to any healthcare provider you see with your child. I’m including other resources below.
“People with marginalized identities deserve equitable access to radically affirming, culturally responsive mental health care.
We aim to make this process simpler and safer. “
If you are in AZ Dr Chulani and his entire staff are incredible, kind, and knowledgeable leaders in this AZ gender clinic. When you’re ready to start hormone therapy, please schedule a consult. Know that your child will also need a letter of recommendation from their therapist in order to start with hormones.
INCLUSIVE REPRESENTATION:
“The Gender Spectrum Collection is a stock photo library featuring images of trans and non-binary models that go beyond the clichés. This collection aims to help media better represent members of these communities as people not necessarily defined by their gender identities—people with careers, relationships, talents, passions, and home lives.”