Divorce Is Messy And We're Messy And Life Is Messy And Healing Is Messy
Divorce is messy. It just is. And it’s not even about right or wrong. It’s just MESSY.
In the almost three and a half years of getting divorced I did a lot of dismantling and a lot of divining in my own wild. I made mistakes that were always invitations to grow, unfold, and heal.
I found my inner voice.
I sat in dark rooms with my trauma and let it speak to me.
I befriended my intuition.
I shed layers and layers of shame and conditioning.
I got quiet.
I went off on my own.
I held ground.
I meditated on forgiveness - and sometimes I did that through the release of weeping and silent screaming behind the bathroom door.
I drew from the source of love in my own self.
I relied heavily on The Divine.
I sought out safe friends.
I lost some friendships.
I dated people who ultimately served to reveal my patterns in relationships, my addiction to addicts.
I stood up for myself.
I held an open hand.
I chose early on to never act out of revenge and I stuck to it.
I grew as a mama.
I grew as a woman.
I learned how to not respond to baiting or gaslighting.
I forgave. I forgave. I forgave.
I poured out.
I soaked up new life.
I cultivated the kind of karma I want for myself.
I did very hard things.
I stopped to catch my breath more times than I can count.
I loved wholeheartedly.
I met my younger self and made her safe again.
I revisited the trauma that led me here.
I relinquished.
I healed.
I committed to forever healing.
And right now, all this time later, I have a glimmer of perspective on what I am doing with this new life. I see my offering much more clearly. I’m toes to the precipice of seeing my awakened self as more than a breathless, recovering survivor of the hard years. I did all of this for me, for my kids. I maybe did it for you too, for the human consciousness that connects all of us. All. of. us.
Divorce is messy and we’re messy and life is messy and healing is messy. Okay then. Let’s find out what’s sprouting up through the mess
